I am wary of nouns of identity—the ones preceded by forms of to be.
I am a teacher. I am a writer. I am knitter. I am a dyer. I am a spinner. I am a blogger. I am a designer. I am a photographer. I am a creator.
Those feel like lies. Like they require membership cards that I am too uncertain to carry.
I much prefer verbs and this sentence structure:
I teach. I write. I knit. I dye. I spin. I blog. I design. I photograph. I create.
The actions are undeniable. The verb doesn’t have to be followed by an kind of adverb like well or professionally. They are just facts, objective.
But the nouns? Entirely subjective. I mean, have I passed the certification exam for those titles?
Do I care to?
Being is another thing I do.
My being isn’t determined by my writing—just like my writing isn’t determined by my knitting.
So I’m weird about labels. I recently started adding #indiedyer to some of my Instagram posts, but every time, I feel a little uneasy about it.
I know some would say that this is an insecurity, like I think I’m not good enough to own certain titles.
But I think it’s more of a rejection of the idea that I should be “secure” in those titles at all.
Titles, labels, categories, genres. They limit. They point to a set of expectations and parameters.
I am not anti-boundaries, but I think that’s something different.
If I call myself a writer but don’t write for a while, would that change who I am? Would it mean I’m not doing what I should? Should I, then, feel like a failure because I am take a short—or long—break from doing what that label implies I should do?
I think the answer to all of those is no.
So these days, I’m not doing much writing, though I am doing more now that this blog is moving and shaking a little.
No, these days, I do a lot of other things, and one of them is dream.